Fair and Balanced

No Gay Dogs Allowed

I never questioned my sexually, probably because my berries were removed at a very young age. My lack of interest on the subject was replaced with a hearty quest for knowledge of molecular physics.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t miss them.  Here’s a postcard I recently sent my former friends:

“Dear Balls,

Wish you were here.

-Bo”

I hope they’re doing well, wherever they may be.

Read more

You Are So Beautiful

Some take their cues from the Westminster Dog Show while others take theirs from the Ugliest Dog Contest. One thing is clear, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

It’s fortunate my parents get their idea of canine beauty from the former, otherwise they would have passed right by me on the fateful day they adopted me. Not to be cocky or anything, but when I say I’m handsome I’m not sure I’m doing myself justice. Remember, it ain’t cocky if you can back it up.

But some are less fortunate than me. In Des Moines they decided to throw a self-esteem bone to some bulldogs. You know, to try to make them feel special because they don’t got a lot going on in life. I’m not trying to be mean, but have you ever seen one up close?

Read more

Kung Fu Kitty

I’ve never bitten anyone in my life.

Well, bitten anyone really hard, that is.  I have had a nibble or two of human skin, but almost always in a playful way. The only exception being the one man that tried to kidnap me from my mother’s car when I was three. I never told my parents about the incident so this probably comes as a shock for them to read.

What can I say, when a human sees a talented dog, especially one that can type, they’re apt to want him. So it was left up to me to defend myself. The outcome was never in doubt. Anyway, he tasted like chicken and I never had the occasion to taste him again, the case of burps shortly thereafter not withstanding. Canines are correct in saying things taste better the second time around.

Read more

Popular Tags:

• funny cat news stories
• interesting news about cats
• penguin watching cat
• blog kung fu kitty

Seeing Eye Pony

I imagine many of you out there are worried about your jobs. I am too, and with good reason.

During this economic meltdown no job is safe. There’s just too many of us vying for too few jobs.  How many of you have lined up behind hundreds of other dogs just to get a shot at being a plate pre-washer, a bed-warmer or a taste tester? I’d bet kibble to donuts most of you have. Admittedly, these are low skill positions that are easily outsourced to pugs the world over.

However, even if you have well honed skills, you may be staring economic ruin straight in the butt hole, too. I’m talking about the highly specialized abilities attributed to the upper echelon of doghood. That’s right, the skills wielded by the seeing eye dog class.

Just check out what’s happening in Michigan if you don’t believe me.

Read more

Popular Tags:

• Seeing Eye Pony
• eyey seeing pony

Jeremiah Has Leg Surgery

Jeremiah was a bull frog. Was a good friend of mine. I never understood a single word he said but I helped him a-drink his wine. And he always had some mighty fine wine.

I loved that song growing up. Sure it was old, even back then but it was still a classic.  To celebrate the song’s anniversary I had Jeremiah over for dinner. He was delicious.

I guess I’m heartless for enjoying those strong, supple legs my favorite bullfrog worked so hard to build up. Read more

Hair Ball Isn’t That Entertaining

I hate it when I find a hair in my food. I’ll usually send it back, especially if it isn’t mine.

When I do, I’m pretty sure my parents remove the hair, and then spit on my food before giving it back to me. I can’ t prove it because the batteries are low on my digital camcorder and I’ve misplaced the charger.

I can’t imagine what cats go through, what with them shedding all the time. My feline sister Moose gets constipated all the time. I know it’s the hair.

Read more

Bovine Emergency

The next ride in an ambulance will be my last.

I know it. My parents know it. And most assuredly my vet, Dr. Spot Kevorkian, knows it.

That’s life, or should I say death. So let me throw out a cliche: death, taxes, and annoying cats are inevitable realities of life. Sometimes life isn’t full of puppies and milkbones.

But hey, I’m not here to bring everybody down, just trying to come up with some segway into today’s story.

Read more

We’re All Being Watched

It’s tough to get away with anything these days. It seems we’re all being watched by big brother, or in my case, big father.

You see, there’s a place in the back yard where I like to dig. It’s along the fence-line and provides a perfect escape hole, once complete. The area is mostly hidden from view from my parents’ favorite ‘lookout’ window, which is why I chose it.

What I like to do is look around, make sure no one is watching, and then start my digging. The inevitable conclusion to my efforts is an afternoon roaming free in the neighborhood.

Read more

Ziggy Should Have Kept Playing Guitar

It ain’t hard making it in this world. All you need is a good idea, a little execution and whamo! you’re cashing in big time.

Take for instance the wheel, sliced bread or the internet. They made their inventors gazillions upon gazillions of dollars.

What? You say, they didn’t make their inventors anything?

Hmmm…well, then how about the pet rock? Now that was a great idea.

Making money is even easier if you have four legs and are artistically inclined.  Heck you can just paint your way out of the dog house and into a dog mansion. That’s what a dog named Ziggy is doing.

Read more