Educating Donkey Kong

I’ve never been impressed by those who have attended institutions of higher learning.

I say that as a graduate of one of the premier dog academies in the country, Fire Hydrant U.

I know sit, stay and heel. Command me to go pee pee, poopie or stop licking and I’ll do it. I’ll give paw, roll over and bark for anyone who wants.

But what do you expect from a  dog whose IQ is in excess of 12?

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Squirrel Mistakes Toilet For Attic

It amazes me what scares humans.

Take my old man, for instance. There was a time, right after he graduated college, when he lived with two other guys. They were young, strong, and unafraid of the curveballs life throws at you.  In short, they were naive children, in grown up bodies.

One day, a bat happened to find its way into their humble abode. They sat watching TV when the bat made its appearance. What followed was a scream fest you hear from a pack of six year-olds when you take their lollipops away.

These so called men ran for their lives, and the door, all the while screaming bloody murder at the top of their lungs.

And about what? A tiny little bat.

What ensued was a 12 hour standoff, with the ‘men’ sleeping under blankets while all the windows and doors lay open. To this day, all three have yet to regain their self respect.

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Dog Poop Finds New Home

We all have to take dumps, right? I mean, what’s the alternative – to hold it in until you’re ‘impacted’ and have to be rushed to the vet for an anal, and intestinal, flush?

That’s why I like taking good, healthy-sized dumps in the back yard.

Of course that usually means a big mess out back, but that’s not my problem.

I always tell my parents if they don’t want me eating it, to bag it before it ripens into a tasty treat. Or, if they don’t want to step in it, to bag it up and send it to its forever home.

I never thought about where my extract goes after I’ve finished processing it, but this story suggests there is a place called poo-heaven. Read more