At my age, soft and cushy gets the job done.

Truth be told I don’t really have a sleep number, just a hand me down bed I let my parents share with me. There’s no telling the amount of dead skin cells, human hair and microscopic critters I’m forced to lay on every night.

So imagine how excited I was when I was contacted by a representative of  Sleep Number® to see if I’d be interested in reviewing their True Silver Blanket.

For those not in the know, this is a blanket that is said to provide natural allergy defense due to its silver fibers, offering superior protection against dust mites and pet dander. 

I don’t know why anyone would complain about pet fur but since I’m all about comfort I thought I’d give it a try. Besides, our household, with a slew of dogs and one cat is the perfect laboratory to see if this blanket can really stand up to its claims.

First, let me tell you a bit about the Sleep Number True Silver Blanket:

• Pure silver fibers are woven into the blanket, which offer anti-microbial, anti-odor and anti-static benefits (that’s three check marks against the fur and allergies.)
• The True Silver fiber is also part of the fill and has a natural allergy protection which will never wash or wear out which means the blanket can take the abuse and still stand the test of time.
• It also has a 300-thread-count cotton sateen cover (can you saysoftness!), and quilted stitching so the fill inside stays where it’s meant to be.

The blanket comes in three colors, we chose eggshell, a nice creamy off white.It also comes in beige and light blue and is neutral enough to fit in with any décor. No word on the release date of a blanket in my favorite color, diahhrea delight, but I digress.

The blanket is very soft against my fur and also extremely lightweight which is great since I’m not fond of heavy covers. Although lightweight it does a good job keeping you warm when it’s cool and cool when it’s warm. It’s magic, I tell you.

My bro and sis, two adopted Bernese Mountain dogs, are in shedding season so there is a lot of fur on our blanket. The great thing is that the fur comes off easily. So easy, in fact, the old man said he’s probably going to do his next furminator session on it.

Anyway, my mother being a neat freak, has already washed the blanket and because it’s so lightweight, took no time to dry and came out looking just like new.

Since we’ve only had the blanket a week I haven’t really had time to assess the natural allergy defense but I can confidently state this blanket is very comfortable against these old bones. Very comfortable! I know all my siblings like snuggling on it too. Just look at the picture to see. If you’re wondering, I’m the one behind the camera taking the picture.

Based on my experience with this blanket, I have to give it four paws up. I’d give it five but I’m not a freaky dog with five legs.

The best part is that one lucky winner has the chance to win their very own True Silver Blanket, a value worth up to $199!

To enter the contest just go to True Silver Blanket Contest, to find all the details and entry form.

Now, I just need to work on the parents to get me a Sleep Number bed!

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Normally I’m the one doing the product reviews around here, but I’m going to waive that rule in this instance because the product is targeted at human kids.

Let’s see what a bi-ped toy and product guru bi-ped named Michael Mozart has to say about it.

If you don’t see the video in your RSS feed, then click here.

Before I know it, those two are tail deep into a discussion about the state of the world and the upcoming US election. They go back and forth and I can’t keep straight who’s going to vote for whom because they never mention a name…

“Your candidate is for big government and taxes everything.”
“Your candidate is mean spirited and hates poor people.”
“Your candidate pees standing up.”
“Your candidate likes cats.”

…and on and on it goes, getting more personal with each passing bark. Before I know it, I’m separating the two.

Being the old dog I am, I’ve seen these arguments breakup many a friendship. So I’ve learned to steer clear of discussing politics with members of the other party, and I highly advise any dog to do the same.

“But how do I know where a dog stands politically so I don’t inadvertently stick my paw in my mouth?” you ask.

Good question, and it got me to thinking, “Wouldn’t it be great if we could identify a dog’s voting preference by just looking at them?” That way we’d know what subjects were taboo, stay clear of them and voila, nobody’s feelings would be hurt.

Well, somebody else was thinking this too.  Specifically, the people that run TheDogVote.com site. There, you can purchase bandanas with your favorite candidate’s name on it. No longer will you have to worry about unintentionally offending a pup at the park. Just wear your bandana proudly, and if they approach you they are either a) like minded or b) deserve your political debating bite.

If you just can’t contain spewing your political views, TheDogVote.com also allows you to share them, as well as voting for your favorite candidate online. Personally, I prefer voting at the local high school. At least there I can pee on the voting machine once the curtain is drawn.

I urge you to throw off the shackles of your paw print bandana and show your support for Obama or McCain. So go and buy yourself a bandana. Who knows, in 100 years you may be able to sell it on ebay for 1,000 chewies.

As for me, I’ll write about my political beliefs someday, but I promised myself I’d finish my article on religion first.

TheDogVote.com Political Bandana

Pros: Quickly identifies a dog’s political affiliation; minimizes unpleasant encounters with stupid dogs that just don’t get it; comfortable; you can blow your nose in it instead of having to wipe snot on your paws

Cons: Although colorful the effect is lost on canines since we’re color blind; doesn’t come with treats; No Stolli for President bandana

Verdict:

4.5 out of 5 Dew Claws

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I drooled uncontrollably as my father read me the ingredients…whole wheat flour, carrots, celery, parmesan cheese, garlic, basil, etc. No additives whatsoever. Sure it didn’t have any lard, but this pie tastes and smells just like a human pizza. Or that was the claim on the website. I couldn’t wait to find out if this pie lived up to the hype or whether it was more Domino’s Pizza than Ray’s Original New York Style.

It was a few days later when I smelled the UPS driver as he made his rounds in my zip code. His truck smelled of pizza. What can brown do for me? Deliver that pizza a little quicker. When the driver dropped off the pie I urged my father to tip him, however the brown van disappeared into the sunset long before my father could get the quarter out of his pocket.

It was now time for companion and me to get ready for the feast. We grabbed a bottle of red wine, some glasses, and a pizza cutter, heading downstairs to our dining area so we could be served by our owners.

Our dinner came in its very own box with a vacuum sealed pizza inside. I guarantee, once the seal is broken a dog’s heart will be set a flutter with anticipation, much like mine was.

The pizza was cut, and a slice was placed on my plate. I dug in with great zeal to find the actual taste fully meeting my high expectations. It was wonderfully delicious. Magically delicious if you’re a miniature Irish wolfhound reading this.

But was I a victim of the low expectations game? I had been served dry kibble for nearly a century and think kitty poo tastes great. It was time to call my faithful companion to try a bite and get her thoughts.

She carefully looked at the presentation (beautiful), then took in the smell (wonderful), and finally tasted the Italian goodness (heavenly). We agreed; we wanted more of this Italian pie. Thank goodness they deliver in our neighborhood.

A word of caution: You’ll note in the pictures that companion and I ate a whole pizza. I suspect the idea is to only serve a slice at a time, as a treat. If you have your owners wrapped around your fuzzy little paw and get them to give you the whole thing, just make sure to get on the treadmill afterwards to work off those extra calories.

In the end I have to say, Domino’s may deliver but Heaven Scent Pizza for Dogs brings it home.

Heaven Scent Pizza for Dogs

Pros: Smells great; Tastes great; Good for you; Reasonably priced

Cons: Bowser Beer not included; Heaven Scent Calzone not yet available

Verdict:

Five Out of Five Paws

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Recently I was in PetSmart, perusing the aisles with the old man in tow when the Bubble Buddy caught my eye. Once I read the packaging, I knew I had to get one for myself. It read…

• Blow ‘em! Chase ‘em! Chomp ‘em!
• Get ready for bubble chompin’ fun!
• Watch your dog jump for joy
• Your dog will go bonkers over the bacon-scented bubbles
• You and your dog will have a blast!

That was the promise but in practice does the Bubble Buddy meet these lofty goals?

Before I begin, keep in mind that Happy Dog recommends this product for ages eight to adult. So for any of you young Pomeranians reading this, the Bubble Buddy is not for you.

Once home, I waited with anticipation as my father opened the packaging. The gun slipped out easily enough and so did the container of soapy sizzlin’ bacon juice. There’s a small chamber on the gun to put the bubble solution in. To me, it seemed too small, but then again I don’t hold the patent to this thing, Happy Dog Toys does. Surely the size of the chamber was a compromise between form and function.

When the bottle of bubble juice was opened, the room suddenly came alive with the smell of its contents. Sure, my parents couldn’t smell it, but since I have over 10,000 more smelling cells on my nose than they do, I could. The odor wasn’t quite sizzlin’ bacon but it was kinda like it. To me it was a cross between Baco’s and electricity. Kind of a funky smell, like if a pig was hit by lightning. I was mildly pleased with it.

My father took the gun and began pressing the trigger. Holy cow, what a racket it made. It pert near sent my sister, Copper, into an unrestrained pee convulsion. It didn’t bother me, but that’s probably because I’m almost deaf.

The gun shot out loads of bubbles, giving the room a New Year’s Eve celebratory atmosphere. The only things missing were a disco ball, a gay piano player and a poodle to kiss. I have to say, if the Bubble Buddy does one thing well, it’s to shoot out loads of bubbles.

So far so good, right? Well, there is a problem, outside of the sound the primary issue is that the bacon scented bubbles just aren’t that enticing. They don’t really smell that great and the taste isn’t much better. In fact my father gave a few bubbles a try and said, “Wow, they taste like your mother’s cooking, Bo.” That, my friends is not an endorsement.

It dawned on me that maybe the Bubble Buddy just wasn’t my thing. Maybe other canines would dig it more than me. I set off to test it on others in the neighborhood. First off was my sister Copper. After settling her down from the noise, my father blew bubbles in her direction. Nothing. Except trembling feet. Oh for two.

Next up was Dino the local dachshund. You may remember his presidential run for the United Steaks of America. Soon to be a contestant on the Biggest Loser – Canine Edition, I figured he would be a perfect candidate. Who better than a canine who’s watching his waistline to test a scrumptious food delivery device? A few shots of the bubble buddy put heaps of frothy bubbles into the air. The only thing Dino noticed was the noise the gun made. After calming down, he showed no interest in the bubbles. Oh for three.

Maybe the Bubble Buddy needed a man’s man of a dog, not fru fru dogs under 70 pounds.

Meet Bruiser the local Great Dane. Bets were made as to how many bubbles Bruiser could put in his mouth all at one time. My guess was 24 mid size bubbles. The gun was filled, aimed and shot toward the greatest of Danes only to have him run for cover behind his mother. Oh for four.

Call me brave, heroic or just plain lazy but of all the dogs tested, I was the only one not to run away from it.

On a final note, heed the warning about only using this device outside. My father used it in the living room and now the couch and carpet have that Bacon Buddy smell to them.

Bubble Buddy

Pros: Loads of Bubbles, Other Flavors Available, Bacon is Good Food

Cons: Gun is loud, Doesn’t smell like bacon in the morning, Doesn’t taste like it either

Final Rating:

1 out of 4 Paws

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So you may be asking, “Bo, what is your favorite brand of peanut butter?” Well ask no more as I lay out what I see as the critical elements in becoming the best butter of the peanut in all the land.

First off, my peanut butter needs to be peanuts and salt…that’s all. It can’t have partially hydrogenated or palm oil. That stuff will kill you. Not quick, like challenging Michael Vick’s dog to a fight, but slow and painful like listening to a Britney Spears song set on repeat on your iPod. It also can’t be sweetened with sugar, dextrose, sucrose, fru fru cose, etc.

Taking all that into account, I’m forced to give a big paws down to JIF, Skippy and Peter Pan. Sure their labels may say no trans fat, but if you look at the ingredients, it’s in there. Add to that the supplements of sugar and it’s a big no for this weight watching, health conscious canine.

So my options dwindle down to natural peanut butters. If truth be told, they’re all about the same, but the one I have settled on is Smucker’s Natural Peanut Butter – Chunky style. It’s got a good, hardy peanut taste and leaves a slight salty aftertaste on my palate like wisps of morning fog over a mountain lake. When I eat it, it’s like being at the ballpark. The only thing missing is the beer.

The downside is that upon opening the jar, the contents need to be stirred due to the separation of oil from peanut. If you don’t mind sticking your paw in the jar and stirring, this can actually be seen as a positive. I will say it makes for a great “Peanut Butter Paw” to suck on for the remainder of the day. Cover mine in carobs, please.

In the final analysis:

Smucker’s Natural Peanut Butter – Chunky

Pros: No additives, just peanuts and salt; strong peanut taste; healthy

Cons: Oil separation requires stirring; requires storage in areas I can’t get my fuzzy paws at

.

Final Rating

4.5 out 5 Paws

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One of my favorite characters, of the human variety, was Louis DePalma. His no nonsense style is how I would handle myself if I were human. Now I can relive those days by buying a fleet of these plush beds. I can make believe I’m Alex Rieger or Tony Banta or even Jim Ignatowski. As a bonus, if I ever accidentally pee or poop in one, I’ll just have Latka come and clean it up for me.

I went online and did my research for a stereo that was easily switched on by a tail. Once found, all I needed was a set of speakers to reproduce highs well outside of human hearing range. Well lookie what I found.

This is functional kitsch; the wrong becomes the new right. By adding a function to an otherwise grotesque object, it acquires new aesthetic values, becoming an object of desire.

Pun intended, this woofer holds the mids between an addition to your sound system and your loyal 4 footed companion.
It’s engineered by a professional audio studio, and sounds remarkably well, compared to your everyday speakersystem!

Only available in a co-axial two way speaker system version [two dogs].

Sure these babies would look better if they were headless cats, but then the demand would outstrip the supply and you’d have no chance of getting these for a mere $999. Grotesque maybe, but they sound oh so sweet.

Two big paws up – highly recommended.

USB gadgets aren’t always useful… such as this USB Humping Dog. Sometimes they’re just beyond belief. Product developers could just spend their time inventing the next best thing since sliced bread, but no, bless them.

The world would be a very dull place if it wasn’t for there being inventors out there with enough time on their hands to come up with something so stratospherically stupid as this, the USB Humping Dog.

Well you’ve got to do something with your USB ports, so you might as well have a laugh with them. Pop this excitable pup into your PC’s USB port and watch as he starts high-speed-humping your machine, yes really. This pint size version or our worryingly popular Humping Dog may not be the next best thing since sliced bread, but it’s a lot funnier.

The family friendly version is here.

What can I say, some dogs just love technology.

Although not covered by the Geneva Convention, one look at this disgusting video and you’ll have no doubt what the meaning of torture is. Go ahead, click on it, if only as a reminder of the brutality of our enemy.

If you don’t speak french, let me translate for you, “One minute inzide zee masheeen and zee animal wheel never beg again. Gare on teed!”

I urge all of you to write your Senators, Representatives, Councilman and owners to stop this heinous bathing now!

*Breaking News Alert* – If you see a Maytag repair man in your area, do not, I repeat do not approach him.