Jackass Runs For Mayor

The world of politics is filled with jackasses.

That’s the only way to make sense of what’s going on in the world today.

I’m not going to get into my personal beliefs on how to cure the world’s ills, just know that I have a plan, and that plan would save the world from itself.

Why not share it? Well, I’m too tired to spread the word.

So, for now, I’ll sit back and watch the world continue down its ruinous path. I can only hope that a few rays of sunshine turn into a sunny day and all will be well with the world again.

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Snake Can’t Kick Cigarette Habit

Sex, drugs and rock ‘n roll. It’s a sure path to ruin.

I don’t partake in any of it. Heck, I won’t even consider the gateway activity to getting there. You know, smoking.

Sure I get peer pressure to take a toke on a Virginia Slim or a Marlboro Light, but no matter how much Ruger the boxer insists, I just won’t inhale.

The reason is simple. If I’m  going to inhale something that isn’t healthy, it’s going to be a Whopper from BK, or dare I say it, a Big Mac from McDees. Yeah life expectancy is cut short by six months for each one you eat, but at least your enjoying the taste. Read more

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Parrots Imitate Dogs – Steal Their Jobs

When it comes to the economy, it’s tough out there.

Many a working dog just can’t find a job these days. Fortunately for me, I’m retired, but of the four other dogs in our house, only one has a job.

Copper is over sixty, so I can see where she’s not employable. She gets a pass. Put her in the category of “stopped looking for a job” and take her out of the official statistics like the government does.

Kensy is educated out the wazoo. He holds a Good Canine Citizen Degree, as well as advanced coursework  in Humiliating Tricks Humans Force Dogs To Perform. In addition to that, he holds a degree in Pet Therapy. Read more

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One Tired Nelly

I don’t follow the age old adage, “The early dog gets the squirrel.”

I like sleep, especially in the morning. I mean, what’s the point of seeing a sunrise, even if it gets me that coveted squirrel? During the chase, I’d be pining for sleep. Once I catch the rodent (yes they are rodents!) I’d think about how tired I am and let it go. Nothing’s been accomplished except that I’d be more tired than when I started the day.  And that my friends, would cut into my begging time.

So I sleep in instead.

I’m not the only one. My feline sisters Moose and Mothball exhibit the same behavior, as do Copper and Kensy. Goliath? Not so much.

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Drunk Moose Passes Out In Tree

My body is a temple.

I choose not to deliberately poison my body, so I just say NO! to alcohol and street drugs.

Of course it helps that I never liked beer, even though my old man does. I remember many moons ago he put some in a bowl and had me give it a go.

After one slurp I knew the stuff wasn’t for me. It was bubbly and bitter. Kind of like Hugh Heffner’s ex-wife after finding out their prenup was enforceable. Read more

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Hedgehog Too Fat For Log

You ever get into a situation you can’t get out of?

For me it’s usually when I get my head stuck in the bag of cat food my parents leave out. I don’t know if it’s a law of nature, but my head just can’t be pulled from the bag. It’s like a vacuum, more Dyson than Dirt Devil, that magnetizes my head to the little pellets of goodness.

Of course there’s also the figurative situation that are difficult to get out of. Read more

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Parrots Get In On the Identity Theft Game

Whenever I travel I make sure to bring along multiple forms of identification.

In today’s Big Brother society I’m not allowed to go anywhere without my dog tag. Name, phone number and treat preference are easily read by those I let get close to me.

I also have a chip in my body somewhere, and I’m not talking about the potato chip I just took off of the old man’s plate.

No, this one has an identification number on it and cross references me on some list somewhere. As far as I know I’ve managed to stay off of any terrier lists.

I also have my Together Tag in case the need for emergency care presents itself. Truth be told the Together Tag trumps the standard, run of the mill dog tag, but I like to showboat my jewelry…even if it is just tin.

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Gone Fishing for Prosthetic Leg

Some days I need to reach a little when it comes to animal stories to write about.

Today is one of those days, a mini drought in the veritable  rainforest of goofy animal happenings.

Today’s topic, fishing.

Sadly, it’s not about a guppy or a dolphin or a shark. Heck, it’s not even about Abe Vigoda.

No, it’s about a human going fishing.

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Llamas Top Dogs in Obedience Class

Sit. Stay.

That’s the only thing I remember from my Good Canine Citizens Certification class, although I don’t follow the commands today.

It makes my parents feel better about themselves when they say those two words in front of people, expecting me to obey.

After a full minute of them trying to push my booty down on the ground, it invariably ends with a comment like, “He’s usually much better than this.”

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Swan Dumps Tractor for Goose

We don’t always get it right the first time.

When I was young, I thought I wanted to be man’s best friend. Turned out I just wanted the treats.

Then there was my first encounter with cats at the animal shelter. They had me believing they were sweet, smart, wonderful creatures. I came to find out, you can’t wag around these creatures without your tail being attacked.

And I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the first time I had to fart in public. Read more

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