Bunny Needs Gamblers Annonymous

You ever notice that a lot of folks love to drink, smoke and gamble? If you don’t think that’s the case, all you need to do is catch a half hour of any show on A/E during prime time.

I admit my family is no different than others and have these issues.

My father is a drinker…of 3 pints of draft beer a week.

My mother is a smoker…of every dinner she’s made this year.

My sister Copper is a gambler…on her farts not killing everyone in the house. Read more

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Job Opening For Duckmaster At Hotel

It’s tough out there.

Try to get a job in this economy and see how long it takes you.

It’s pert near impossible to get a coveted government, make work job.  My brother Goliath is lucky, he has one of those. Not government related but the make work variety.

What’s his job? Read more

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Mental Issues Plague Stuffed Toys

Listen, I’ve got enough problems of my own without having to deal with the issues of other inhabitants of this lonely planet. Inhabitants like people, pets, and stuffed animals.

Yeah, stuffed animals.

Take, for instance, a ridiculous stuffed bear my brother Goliath plays with every morning. The poor bear is drenched in drool, thrown about the house, and makes a mooing sound. Read more

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Queen Loves The Milkman

I love the bovine class.

I mean, what’s not to like? They’re master billboard climbers, creators of bone hardening drinks, and taste great covered in steak sauce.

Granted there are some things that could improve. For instance, instead of chewing cud they could chew fat. Or how about that dried out softball glove my old man has. Why does H2O affect it even though cows love to spend their time dancing in the rain? And, getting back to the billboards, they could improve on their spelling.

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Barking Up the Wrong Tree

Self respect. If you don’t have it, you don’t have anything.

For instance, some male dogs pee sitting down. I know, it’s shameful.

Then there are those pups out there that let themselves get mounted in the dog park? Yeah, right in front of all those wet noses.

Of course there are canines out there that share their dog food bowl with the household cat. At least it’s done behind closed doors, but the damage to the psyche is done nonetheless.

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Punxsutawney Phil To Lose Job Too?

After quite some time on this planet what I’ve learned is that everything is replaceable.

My rawhides? Replaced by Greenies.

Those Greenies? Replaced by 100% natural dog biscuits.

And those dog biscuits? Replaced by a whole lotta nothing.

Apparently I’m a fat tub of goo according to my parents, and the vet’s scale. But hey, at least nobody is talking about replacing me. Read more

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Gun Toting Cow to Hunt Rabbits

One of the greatest advertising programs going on right now is the Eat Mor Chickin’ campaign from Chick-Fil-A.  Those crazy cows are out there making life hell for chickens everywhere. I respect their chutzpa.

Well it looks like they’re turning those big ole eye balls towards a new critter to harrass. Specifically, the rabbit.

Yahoo News tells us what’s going on in with those mad cows in the UK…

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Vet Ensures Panda Express Lane Open

I’m a regular dog. Regular as in I poop at the same time, in the same spot, every day.

Occasionally my routine is disrupted with a poorly chosen treat from the hands of my parents, or from the garbage pail. Then I either can’t poop or have a chocolate geyser worthy of a best in class chocolate fondue fountain at a wedding.

I bring this up because today’s story is about a panda getting a colonoscopy.

Sure I could have brought up my love for Katie Couric and all she’s done for public poop shoot awareness, but that would be too ordinary of a lead in, and let’s face it, who doesn’t want to hear about my bowel movements? Read more

What a Nutt

I’ve been barking the alarm for years but nobody listened. I’ve felt alone as I’ve  chased the problem up trees and down drainage pipes. But despite my best efforts, the world has ignored my efforts.

But when a Nutt brings up the same issue, the world stops and listens.

The issue? Glorified rats running free. The BBC News has the details of the latest incident.

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Dead On Arrival

Given the state of the world…this story sounds about right. Read more

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